We can end the gender-based violence that killed my aunt
We must re-define what control, entitlement and privilege mean for men
In 2012 at the Lord of Mercy hospital in Kenya, my aunt was in the ICU fighting for her life. Later that day, we brought back home her newborn baby. But not my aunt. She had suffered postpartum complications due to domestic violence and gender-based negligence. Sadly, at the end of the day, my aunt passed away.
According to UN Women, 81,000 women and girls were killed globally in 2020. Around 47,000 of them — 58 percent — died at the hands of an intimate partner or family member. This means a woman or girl is killed every 11 minutes in their home.
These are not just numbers. Every single unit represents a person like Agnes Tirop, a Kenyan world marathon record holder who was found stabbed to death by her husband last October. A person like Osinachi Nwachukwu, a top Nigerian gospel singer, who was brutalized to death by her husband this April. The list continues.
We all know someone or have been victims of gender-based violence.
This is disappointing. But it is not surprising. Kenyan communities, like many others around the world, have embraced this epidemic and made it a part of their culture. The big question is: Why do people still hold on to cultures that diminish women? Often people say it is our culture which means “things have always been done this way.”
But we all know that this culture spins around men’s control, entitlement, and privilege over women.
Right now, control means battering a woman so that she is submissive.
Right now, entitlement means mutilating women’s genitals to control their sexuality.
Right now, privilege means denying women economic empowerment and expecting them to stay home.
Our modern world features airplanes, but many women have their movement restricted by men. Our modern world features the Internet, and yet a woman’s voice doesn’t matter. During the covid-19 pandemic, we all felt what it is like to be cut off, restricted, and powerless. We battled with loneliness, depression, and anxiety. But with COVID, we developed vaccines to escape that prison.
Imagine what it feels for Winnie, a Kenyan survivor of rape who was rescued last week, to have lived in a similar imprisonment for most of her life. What about the women who haven’t been rescued? Where is their vaccine? Where is their way out from loneliness, depression, and anxiety?
I have been talking about Kenya but we all know that this situation is not limited to a distant place. As we can see with the prospect of Roe v. Wade being overturned, this is a global problem. If we want to see change for the better, criticism isn’t enough. We need to take action.
So much focus is usually on victims. But how can we go about reducing a crime without focusing on the perpetrators of the crime?
We need to change the mindset of men. We can pass all the laws we want to but if we do not change our minds nothing is going to happen. We cannot accept a culture that considers men superior and then turn around in surprise when women’s rights are violated by them. The two are connected.
We need to redefine what control, entitlement, and privilege mean for men.
Real control is when women like Winnie are seen as equal partners in a marriage.
Real entitlement is when women like Winnie have autonomy over their bodies and sexuality.
Real privilege is when women like Winnie are economically empowered as it increases productivity and economic growth for everyone.
If we do not redefine these terms, we will continue poisoning ourselves by manufacturing sociopaths as a result of trauma caused by gender-based violence.
Right now, I’m working with Usimkye Kenya, which means “Do Not Be Silent” to raise funds to reintegrate survivors of gender-based violence into society. I’ve previously worked to support teenage mothers in my village. I’ve also worked to tutor young girls and empower them to seek educational opportunities. And I’ve seen how even small investments of time and resources can end the cycle of poverty and violence.
I want girls in Kenya to be educated so that they can become independent. I want women in Kenya to be economically empowered so that they don’t have to rely on a man to survive. I want girls and women to live their lives free from gender-based violence so that no one dies like my aunt did. I want children to be raised in families that value women. One of the reasons my mom could support me after my dad passed away is that my dad had always been a staunch feminist.
The fight for gender equality, like gender equality itself, must be a partnership between men and women. Because when women are seen as equal partners, men benefit too. The economy grows better. The labor force increases. Poverty goes down. And women like my Aunt, like Winnie, like Agnes, like Osinachi, can live happy, fulfilling lives.
Jackline Wambua is a rising sophomore at Stanford University. She was born and raised in Kenya. This story was initially recorded in May 2022. Click here to listen on Apple podcasts. Click here to listen on Spotify.